The Story Behind Me

23rd of June, 2.49am on Wednesday, 爱情岁月-郑伊健.. Finally I finished my exam and came to the end of 3rd semester.. It was a wasting time for taking 3rd semester and I was forced to do so unless I was not willing to graduate.. 3 days before my first and last exam, I received a bad news from my home.. My mother got sicked..

Initially it might be a good and bad news to my mother because it had been a long time already she didnt take a good rest and take leave to enjoy her life.. She was really the toughest, greatest and most kindly and responsible mother in the world.. But her luck was really bad enough.. married with a useless husband and born a aimless son as well as working like hell for a fucking boss.. always being criticized and suffering.. living without freedom.. working for nothing.. the bitch boss always takes her kindness as her weakness..always order her do this and do that without any pay..sometimes she even has to be the bitch maid when she was off day.. In chinese, we say that 过着一些忍辱偷生的日子..

Last Friday she was sicked already, but Saturday and Sunday she still gotta work for the fucking bitch.. a boss who just knew how to suffer people, use and bully staff, being stingy and so many many many bad things.. She even cannot take leave for the critical moment as the boss not willing to hire another worker.. I will never let the bitch go once I succeeded in my career.. I had promised myself that I will destroy everything she had including her family.. Perhaps you will think that im a cruel person but if I tell you about her story, you will have the same thinking with me..

After I received the news through my phone, the subsequent matter happened.. That's arguement with my girlfren which is under my expectation.. I told her I gotta back home once I had finished my exam.. She was straight away unhappy and scolded me because I couldnt accompany her for 4 days till her exam finishes.. Although I was contracted to accompany her and eat with her, but at least she should tolerate a bit and allow me to go back home to take care of my mother..That's my mother!! haizz.. still the same.. being selfish and never understand me.. sorry to say that, I really dont know how to respond to her, I gotta go back..

When I reached home around 4a.m. suddenly(because I never tell anyone I was going back by tonight), my grandmother told me straight away that my mother was sicked badly when I was still at the doorstep. After she said that, I hastily put my luggage to living room and looked for my mother.. Lying down on the bed with a suffering look.. I looked clearly at her, white hairs grows much and white pale face and getting thinner.. haizzz.. At the same time, my grandmother told me, she cannot even eat and drink and doctor noticed that my mother was probably infected by Aedes.. At the moment I only realized that she was lying to me on the phone because she dont want me to be distracted from my study just because of her sickness.. WTF !!! When she realized I was back, she still wanted to help me arrange and prepare my bed to me.. At the moment, I felt really want to cry, but I cannot do that, because I was her only hope in her life.. I must be as tough as what she thought.. I blocked my tears falling down at the end..

Next day, before my brother went to work, he took her to meet doctor because I was still sleeping.. Unfortunately the doctor proved that my mother really infected Aedes and gotta admit to hospital.. When I woke up, I straight away went to hospital to accompany her with my sister.. I even didnt take my breakfast and lunch.. When we wanted to enter the patient room, a fucking crazy nurse blocked me and talked much rubbish to me because the visiting time has not reached yet.. WTF!! 12.50pm I reached there and the visiting time starts from 1pm.. 10 mins only.. I straight away scolded her crazily in English with a lot of bad words.. It was acceptable if they want to check the patient condition, but the problem is they were chatting and not allowed us to visit.. Finally doctor appeared and allowed us go in after I argued with the doctor for a while.. Those public nurses and doctors really fucking sucksss..

Another thing annoyed me is my useless father.. It was acceptable if he said he gotta work and cannot accompany my mother in hospital.. After he returned home from working, he went to hospital by wearing nicely.. I thought he intended to go to hospital.. Ya.. In fact, he really went hospital but just spent one and a half hours over there.. After that he went to yumcha(have drink) with his soccer-betting friend.. OMG.. I was wondering what kinda husband is he.. Worldcup is more important than wife?? Wife and children were in hospital but he could have drink with friend and watch football.. lolxxx.. Other things I already didnt count with him, but after this thing happened, I felt fade up and disappointed to him at all..
One question: does he really fulfill what he had promised when he married my mother??..
I wish I wont be like him, irresponsible, suspicious and useless father and husband..

Now comes to my brother, he was even worse, after sent my mother to hospital, then didnt visit her for a whole day.. everyday working till midnight, but his salary was still little, even didnt contribute to the family or pay my mother money.. 2 years ago, he resigned from a listed company(Hovid) and aimed to further his study abroad..and now University of California and University of Manchester as well as another unknown university also accepted his doctorate application, but he was still hesitating.. WTF!! (if you wanna continue to study, then faster go there la..if dun wan, then continue to work la)..25 years old ady without any contribution.. I was really speechless to him, that's why I really got nothing to talk to him.. That's why I said that my sister and I are my mother's only hope.. and I wish she will be proud of having both of us too..

Now I just hoped that she could leave the hospital and stay healthy forever.. But after that she still gotta return to her work..haizz.. She still has to work for the bitch boss for another half year as my sister will finish her form-6 life and I will be working for my internship.. haizzz.. Actually she can leave the job early because 2 years ago.. I asked her whether she wanted me to continue the work or study, and she gave me the answer:"up to you, as long as you will not regret.. Although I have to continue working if you continue to study, but I still will support you.." Her words destined me to study for providing her happiness and a better life in the future as well as revenge to the heartless boss.. Mummy, im proud of having you !! Because of you and your sacrifices, I only know where is my direction..
~~Thank you~~

You might marry to a wrong person, but no doubt you born me is absolutely correct!!

My Study Mood Gone

18th of June, 11.22pm on Friday..listening to 绝不能失去你-F4.. At this critical moment, I lost my study mood.. I really dont know where is my study spirit gone, 2 days ady I have been studying, but still living at the first chapter.. Arghhhh.. My study spirit's really getting lesser and lesser since I have been entering in this University.. Totally my study direction's lost.. It would be quite tough for me to continue if I still couldnt gain back the spirit.. Study like never study, study for aimless..Now just wanted to work..because at least I wouldnt be feeling so useless and wasting time and money..

Another problem is my memory was getting worse.. Im failed to memorise in my study.. It caused me even worse.. Maybe less to train my memory until it getting such weak.. Sometimes I will forget something which had happened just a moment ago. For example, I couldnt what my friend said just now. Too BAD!!!!

Arghhhhh... One more semester has to go.. I really dont know if I could keep the last breath to sustain till my graduation day.. memory malfunctioned.. mind stuck.. getting lazier.. crazy man.. At this moment, I feel regretful for coming back.. I should keep on working over there.. At least I wouldnt be so frustrated like right now.. But I think this regretful feeling just lasts for this moment.. After that, I will feel nothing because exam gone soon..

Where is my study angel??
I need a study catalyst!!
God, Please grant me one.. Just need ONE!!

Perhaps these three years are my last study and my last chance to be a good for nothing person.. Hoping after graduated, my life will be more adventurous and meaningful..
Now forcefully to return in my study.. No choice..strengthless..T.T

A Surprising Celebration from "SOMEONE"

13th of June, 1.03am on Sunday.. listening to 离不开你-陈小春.. This post is specially written for YOU..hahaha.. I really never expect YOU will really keep your promise and came along from so far away just to celebrate for my birthday and YOU were tired though.. It was very surprising when I saw your appearance while I walked to downstairs.. I was stunned by your smiling at the moment when I looked at YOU.. By that time, I was speechless and dont know how to start the first sentence.. Although that time maybe YOU saw me nothing special but actually I was pretending.. Hahaha..It was still surprising although I knew YOU were going somewhere, but I didn’t expect YOU came to my house..

Thank YOU for the birthday song.. Although I knew YOU felt shy to sing for me initially, but YOU still accomplished it very well.. cheersss ^o^

Thank YOU for the cake.. I knew YOU were putting much effort in searching a cake for me..It was still quite delicious to me although it was not really.. It was because your sincerity and effort made it became delicious and perfect.. ^^ As what I had promised YOU, definitely I will finish it as soon as possible and I wont simply waste your “HEART”.. ^o^

Thank YOU for your effort, sincerity, idea and the surprise.. It was the most touching celebration I ever experienced!! I will never forget your priceless effort..

Thank YOU for creating the miracle for me..^_^

My 22nd Birthday Celebration

12th of June, 5.17am on Saturday.. listening to Waiting- BoA.. The story began when we were back from gym.. I saw the housemates(the 3 gals) were setting up the barbeque fire.. This event made me feel curious and weird because as what I know, they wont suddenly organize an barbeque event without informing me.. In a twinkling of time, I can guess that they were ready to celebrate for our birthday which is my roommates and mine.. hahaha.. His birthday is just next day after mine. Lolz.. To ensure that they were celebrating for me, I realized there was a cake in the refrigerator while I was taking my beverage.. hahaha.. their trap had been discovered and I pretended knowing nothing after that..

Unfortunately I couldn’t join the barbeque because I had to obey the rules and promised to have dinner with my girl friend.. so sad.. I spoiled their main purpose of the barbeque event.. After I helped them to set up the fire(my housemates really stupid, fire also don’t know how to set up..lolz..), then I bathed and prepare to go out..

After I returned from dinner, I continue my role in the event. When my roommate and I were barbequing, they suddenly bring a cake for us..A creative and marvelous cake with leftover chocolates and jujubes which was made by themselves.. I really felt very happy and touched because nobody ever made a cake for me before.. hahaha.. When we were clamping the jujubes with mouth, the stupid little Beng was making a surprising attack from my back with cream.. My face was spoiled.. After that the war had begun, the circumstance was in disorder.. Everyone started to attack each other by using cream.. At the end, all of us was dirty with cream.. OMG… although the situation was out of control, our clothes and body were messed up with cream, but we were very enjoyed and indulgent at the moment. Yeahhhh!!!

I really hope that I could get back and stop by that time.. a crazy but happy and enjoyable moment.. I know I might not have twice like this kind of celebration because next year we might probably be together.. So I will keep this undeleted memory forever.. Thank you for all my housemates giving such an memorable birthday to me!!

The Fact after Exam

9th of June, 4:46am on Friday.. listening to 紫藤花-SHE.. There was a long time ago I didnt update my blog.. It was because of the recent exam plus assignment on my shoulder.. Finally now I released from the exam and I have free time to update my blog.. Actually another reason that I didnt update my blog was there was no special occasion or incidence happened on my during this peaceful period..

I dont know if this is good to me, but I feel it is better if some contingency events come to challenge me.. At least I could advance myself in dealing with any problems or matter as long as it is in my ability.. A peaceful life, it is most of the human being's wish, but for me, I would rather be different and I wish I could be the outstanding one.. Life is like a stage, a place for us to present ourselves instead of a normal life..

Besides that, recently I was also caught in some questions.. It caused me stopped there and considering if I should proceed it. It relates to the global economies and market activities.. growing?? or depressing??.. No one could give me or persuade me with a good reason.. Perhaps I already got my own idea in my mind and I was just looking for another person who supports my stand.. Im clear that's impossible to find a person who really can predict the market perfectly, but I still dont know why I go for it.. haizz.. Im really a person who made decision in respect to my intuitive..

I really wish that I have a personal consultant or psychologist to advice me.. At least sometimes I could share my trouble and depend on them.. hahaha.. ^^