Tired, Emotional and Troublesome

26th of September, 11.26am on Sunday, listening to 2Me-Kara
It was a rare morning to me as I barely woke up so early in the morning except having class.. As a matter of fact, I just sent her back to her university to prepare for the final mid-sem paper, that's why I woke up early.. ^^ Yesterday I accompanied her to study till very late.. I felt very helpless cause I couldnt give her my hand except made a cup of warm coffee to her and stay beside of her as well as lend her my shoulder..Roughly 6 chapters left, how to complete it within a few hours.. Eventually she finished 4 chapters before she went bed..

I dont know why recently I felt moody.. not willing to do anything.. First time I woke up and feel moody to go class.. Always did I will never do.. Am I in a emotional situation?.. because of burden?study?competition?relationship?.. I dont know, I just wanna ran away from all these thing and lean on somewhere to think how to proceed my way.. Recently I felt I've changed to someone which im not recognized after in relationship.. terrible!!.. I was getting throw out and give up my stuff and just wishing to enjoy in the relationship.. swt =.=" .. I have never met this kind of situation.. Probably sometimes I will only think to sleep for whole day and avoid from anything. But, now the situation was very strange, unfamiliar at all.. I also dont know what is my direction.. lolxxx.. cockroach is under an aimless direction!!

Internship and assignment are my current major problems.. I dont know where to do my internship.. no company wants to hire me.. =.="" .. hahaha.. For me, to market myself is not really as hard as other.. Maybe Im always the positive thinker and confident than others..it is because I still havent applied properly.. laziness really kills me off.. hahaha.. Assignments were piled up as high as a mountain.. I felt strengthless to shoulder this burden.. Time was the main factor.. followed by laziness and busy.. lolz.. If you are determined to do something, nothing can stop you; if you are not, anything could be your excuses..

Last Wednesday was Mooncake Festival.. This year I never bite any mooncake or celebrate this festival.. lolz.. seemed it was not important to me ady, just like an ordinary day.. I thought that day was a lonely day to me.. But lastly I found her to go out with me to Cheras Look Out Point.. We had some drinks and some snacks over there.. poor service.. Too Bad!!.. I still remembered that she said she wanted to play lantern on the next mooncake festival.. I wish I could fulfill her wish because I dont know where am I next year after graduated.. I will try to take it as a promise to her.. Not only mooncake festival, I wish to pass through all the festival with her.. ^^

By the way, yesterday Ah Beng told me that my ex had a boyfriend already when he met her accidentally at Pesta Tanglung fair at Kajang.. This fact is not proven yet, because he just saw the guy was closed to her only.. I really dont know if it is a good or bad news.. Is she serious? or the guy is just a substitute to her.. Or she just wanted to make me angry?..If she really did find her future partner, I bless for her sincerely from the deep of my heart..Im the one who tore her heart painfully afterall.. She is really good enough, but not to me because we are not matched, living in different world.. So I just can pray for her have a better life partner and relationship which is far better than me in her future..

Proudly to say that, I had tried to appreciate, but Im still failed, so I choose to leave.. Now I meet my potato.. I dont know if she would become my life partner, but Im sure that my feeling to her is undescribable strong and I wish she would be my last one.. If one day we were foreordained to leave each other unfortunately, it would be my most most most precious memory and I will not wish to delete it and bring it along until the end of my day no matter how hurt the feeling is..
~~Fighting For Love~~